he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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