When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
