with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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