Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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