I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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