His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
