come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
