Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
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I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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