And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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