I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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