I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
