I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My ass is underappreciated
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
