When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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