best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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