Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
