just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
