this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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