I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
