apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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