How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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