Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm bleeding and have questions
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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