My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
