he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's rum buckets o'clock
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
