does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
