You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
