i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
should my penis look like a turkey
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you are never too drunk for berry picking
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
