That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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