it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
