stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
