i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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