i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
