Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
