either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
