The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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