i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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