Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize