is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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