i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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