I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I AM VODKA MAN
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
