sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He passed out mid-signature
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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