I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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