Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
