trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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