You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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