I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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