just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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