I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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