ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
