He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
