I'm lost and stupid without you.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Randomize
