Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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