I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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