a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
