my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
