Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
