True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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