I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
