Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
