I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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